Before the Dawn

"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong."
                                                                               – Mandy Hale

There seems to be a lot of debate and thought lately about what makes us who we are? What truly defines us? Is it our appearance? Our genes? Our DNA? Our mind? Do they all play a part, and if so, how important is each part?

As someone who is trans, the thought of identity and what makes us who we are is a constant. Part of that is because I feel in eternal discord, so I am trying my best to rectify that, and how do you fix something you don't understand?

And so I seek understanding.

Another reason I'm bombarded with these thoughts is because I insanely read comments on trans stories on the internet. People cry out that no one can be trans and we're all mentally ill and unstable because of DNA or genetics or <<insert reason here>>.


All that said, I come FIRMLY down in the camp that we are who our mind says we are. Our mind governs what we do and how we do it. It governs what we say, how we act, and really, isn't ALL of that who we truly are?

With that in mind, I have been out as trans to everyone in my social world for years now. I have received a host of reactions to it. Thankfully most of them have been good.

The thing that's strange about it is that I think many of the people in my life accept the fact that I'm "trans", but there's no real thought as to what that means. It's like, "You're trans and I support you," and while I appreciate that immensely, a step seems to be missed.


By saying I'm trans, I'm basically saying, "Yeah, I look like a guy, but I'm not. In fact, I'm not at ALL what I appear to be. My brain is female, and to me that means that I—who I am at my CORE—is female."

It took a loooooooonnnnnnnnngggggggg time and a massive amount of agony to come to that realization, and even more time and agony for me to learn to start embracing it. It's not that I didn't explore other options. It's not that I didn't scream and cry for it to be other things. It's not that I didn't go to seven different therapists to try to find out what was really underneath it all and why I was having these feelings.

After all of that, it became clear I was having these feelings because I'm trans. I was having these feelings because I'm a woman, but yet I look the way I do. It's enough to cause self-hatred and depression to envelop you like a shroud. It's enough to make you want to die. Literally. It's nothing that anyone would want for themselves, for it's just a magnificent amount of pain.


Okay, I don't mean to get all morose with this post, but I need to establish that this is not something I dreamed up overnight. This is not some fanciful whim I flew off on. This is DECADES of self-examination. And now I'm here, trying to find a way to be at ease with who I am, and have those in my world feel the same.

Yet I'm assailed with reminders that people can't let it go. That people can't see me for who I am. That people still call me the wrong name and say the wrong things about me. That people assume that I'm some guy and that I'll get all the "guy" things and have no idea about the "girl" things... whatever the hell that genderist bullshit is. That some dude will come up to me to tell me how "hot" some woman is because, I don't know, this is what dudes do (or creeper dudes do at the very least)? It's all fucking maddening.

But, outside of that, there are people who see me for who I am despite my appearance. They get ME. They understand ME. And they want to do right by ME. So there is hope, and things on this front get better every day. This is something I need to hold onto and keep in mind.

However, even with these people doing right by me, there is still the pain I feel every single day. There is still the discord. Nothing is in harmony with me. Everything is off kilter, and it's a terrible way to go through life.

And so I seek to get that harmony. I seek to match my outside with who I truly am. And this is happening in a major way just two weeks from now, because I'm having surgery. I'm having "the" surgery, as a friend recently put it. It has a lot of monikers: SRS, GRS, GCS, bottom surgery. Yep, that one. I'm having it. I couldn't be more excited about something, and I also couldn't be more terrified.

I think the excitement aspect here speaks for itself. I know this isn't going to cure all that ails me as a person, but it's a pretty big fucking bit of medicine for my soul. It will help. Immensely. I will no longer be cursed with feeling constantly wrong. A big part of me will be fixed. I will be able to just sit and watch TV at night and relax and not be in mental pain about my discord even while doing something so supremely mundane. That will be beyond amazing.

I'm terrified because it's surgery, and I've never had surgery. And with surgery you can have complications. You can have things go horribly wrong. There's a lot of trust with this, and you just have to hope and pray that things go well.

But even without that, there's the pain of recovery. There's the reliance on other people (which I am SO not good with) while I am healing. There's just the thought of SO much with this that it overwhelms and staggers.

On top of all of this, in preparation for surgery, I had to stop hormones two weeks ago, and I have been on them for over 12 straight years with no breaks. My brain and body forgot what it was like to be hammered with testosterone and not filled with estrogen. In short, I'm a catastrophic, emotional, hormonal mess. I cry basically every day, partly because my body chemistry is SO out of whack right now, but also because ALL of the awful feelings I had before starting hormones—before getting my body in tune with my head—is all coming back at me with a vicious ferocity. My skin feels different, my brain feels different, and my hair is already coming out in clumps again. I feel like all of the progress I've made physically in the past 12 years is rapidly being eroded away, and throughout all of this, I feel like I'm completely alone in contending with this horribleness.

I know people love and support me and they will be there to help me out, and I'm SO thankful. But this is an every-second-of-every-day thing with me now, and no one can keep up with that, nor would I want them to, because they have their own lives to live, and I need to find a way to muddle through mine.

Thankfully these feelings and this physical catastrophe that I'm going through should only be for a few more weeks, then I can get back on track feeling immensely better about me, my identity, and who I am as a person. I just hope I don't lose ALL of my hair by then.

It's overwhelming to think of this thing I've wanted for so long—to feel right—is only 14 days away. It's almost like, what do I want out of life after this??

I know there's more to go with my transition and getting me feeling better and better, but when something you needed has been SO out of reach for SO long, when it's finally on your doorstep, it's almost too much to process. And yet I'm doing my best to. Every minute of every day. The thoughts have swallowed me.

I think that's all I can say about this tonight, but my brain is going MACH 5 since this has been scheduled, and I get that out through writing, so I may just pop up on here a time or two before the big day.

In the meantime, thanks to all who have helped me or someone like me to get to this point. It's a hard enough journey as is, so it's nice to have some pals to help you along the way. Many thanks and much love.

And now I grit my teeth and continue trudging my way through this last bit of darkness before the dawn. I'm hoping for a glorious sunrise.

All the best. Always.

Back in the (Horrifying) Saddle Again

Over the past 15 years or so I've been a participant in a good handful of trans support groups. My time with these groups varied, and there are different reasons why I stopped attending each. I stopped going to the most recent one I went to, which was probably about five or six years ago, because seemingly any time someone had something to say about their lives, it was essentially, "I really wanted to kill myself this week," and this was said with all the tragic earnestness in the world. We would then discuss it until it was time to move on to the next person, who then would echo these same engulfing feelings of mounting despair and hopelessness… "I really wanted to kill myself this week." And so it went for the full hour.

The sentiment was as ubiquitous as it was affecting. These dreadful feelings cast a palpable pall over the meeting room every time I attended. 

Still, I was at a point where I was trying to connect with and help others, so I went to this group every week for a few months and tried to offer input and advice whenever I felt like I had something supportive to say. Eventually, though, it just got too grueling and depressing, and going to this particular group really started to bring me down more than not going. This is especially so because I had dealt with the whole wanting-to-kill-yourself-on-the-reg kind of feelings for years. I fought my way through them, and hadn't been truly suicidal in quite some time. Hearing the despair in the room was starting to wake these dormant feelings from slumbering deep inside me, and I knew it was time to get out.

And I don't mean to sound glib or cavalier about this, but in dealing with being trans, and reading about it, and hearing people's stories about their own journey with it over the course of a decade or so, you realize that the statistic saying that 40% of trans people attempt suicide is not only accurate, but may very well be a conservative estimate.

Being as stalled as I am with this process, lately I’ve been trying to make a firm effort to finally get past this stage of transitioning and on with my life. In doing so, I have started therapy again (which has been a GOD. SEND.), and I am fairly certain that I need to be around some people sharing this experience and to try to at least be some part of this community. I don’t have any trans friends, and while I have a ton of support from some awesome and amazing people in my life (MANY thanks!), there is a different kind of connection that you can forge with people that truly understand on a deep, innate level what you’re going through and what you’re feeling… because they’re going through it and feeling it as well. I need this in my life right now.

So, even though I was filled with the trepidation that my past forays into trans support groups instilled in me, I went back to one tonight. It was an interesting experience that I haven’t fully processed yet, but there were some first impressions that I’d like to share. 

There was a degree of familiarity to the proceedings, even though I knew no other people in the room. And while there was only one mention of a suicide attempt (in the past tense, thankfully), the stories that these people told were still tear-inducing, infuriating, and, in some cases, utterly horrifying. To hear these people… these strangers… bear their souls, to hear about their heart-wrenching struggles with their families and the people closest to them was all too similar to stories I’ve heard through the years from trans people who I’ve sat in groups with, and brought back to my mind in crystalline fashion the heartache, fear, anger, hurt, and raw vulnerability that I have experienced in similar situations and that still wells up in me during bad times.

Weirdly, this almost took me aback. In contrast to how much visibility, acknowledgement, and public support trans people have begun to experience over the past few years, the reality of the experiences I heard this evening was a clear display of just how much further we need to go as a society so that trans people aren’t suffering the way these people are… and the way I do as well.

In addition to this, I have felt that with as much acceptance as trans people have been getting lately (compared to even just five years ago), there is now a backlash. There is now a staunch, focused outrage about us, and with the most recent election, and the reaction elicited from this election… be it hate crimes, hate speak, or just amplified hatred in general… things with transpeeps have taken a step back. And it’s scary for us, even more so than the usual day to day is.

And so I’m writing today to implore everyone to seek a deeper understanding, to strive for an abundance of love, and to truly embrace those good people who happen to be different from you. Help acceptance grow. Help alleviate suffering. Help heal. Help in any way you can. There are people who truly need it, and help can only be achieved through a unified, concerted groundswell of effort, because there is seriously a mountain of work that still remains undone. Tonight proved this fact to me.

The good news here is that one mere minor step anyone takes in this direction can go hundreds of miles in helping someone out. If we all take that one minor step, think of how much bad can be eradicated.

Sincerest thanks to those of you who have already taken a step in this direction, be it large or small or many. You know not how much good you do. 

As always, much love to you all.

The Bounce

A few months ago I was enjoying a night of dining and drinking with a bunch of people I work with. One of these people, who is in the process of learning about me, though who knows I’m trans, was chatting with me. During the course of the conversation, I said something that I can’t even remember now, but whatever I said sort of took him aback. His response to my comment was a sentiment that I’ve heard thrown at me quite often, especially over the past few years. Basically what he said was…

“You’re one of those people aren’t you? You’re just….special. You’re an extremely good person who goes out of their way to be nice and respectful to everyone. I know so few people like you, that when I meet someone like you, I’m always amazed.”

And despite the fact that this is a wonderful thing to hear, I essentially shrugged it off.

This is because I knew what he said was true (well, with the exception that I always thought there were more people like this in the world than he made it out to be… though perhaps that’s just his experience). I also knew that people saw this kind of “specialness” (for lack of a better term) in me, because people have a tendency to tell me about it. I’ve been told something similar to this dozens of times, because apparently I have a “really good energy” about me or something.

Anyway, after he said this, he essentially continued with, “I especially don’t know how you do it, because if I was in your situation (read: trans), I would be mad at the entire world and wouldn’t know how to hold it back. So the fact that you’re exceedingly nice astounds me.”

Again, I shrugged this off, because, at the time, I thought to myself, What does being mean, angry, and mad do? It’s not going to change the situation, and it would really only make things worse. And while what this person said has stuck me with (obviously, since I’m writing about it), it’s not something I thought much about since then. Well, not until recently anyway.

The first time I admitted to having any trans-fueled feelings to someone was in 1998. I started hormones in 2005. And through all that time, while I have made great strides in the process of accepting myself and moving forward with this snail’s-pace crusade, the way I live now is STILL a lie. And even though the people closest to me—and perhaps even ALL my family and friends at this point—know that I’m trans (an achievement in and of itself), I STILL live a lie.

One of the gigantic reasons for this is because I have a severe issue with how I look. I struggle incredibly with my appearance. Actually, to be completely honest, I loathe my appearance… and I find it impossible to try to be true to myself while feeling the way I do about how I look, as I appear NOWHERE close to who I actually am.

My appearance, or more specifically my feelings about my appearance, holds me back in a MAJOR way and keeps me from publically jumping from the Male side of the fence to the Female side… which is something I desperately need to do. I’ve been saving money for years to try to address this in any way I can, and recently I thought I had FINALLY scraped enough together to make a good, solid push to address it so that I can FINALLY feel more confident about moving forward in this process… and, you know, just feel better about the everyday action of looking into a mirror.

So what I want to do (and have wanted to do since I first came to this I-am-trans conclusion) is have surgery on my face to feminize it, to make me feel better about looking at myself, and to help me make the huge and scary-as-hell step of entering the world in a way that is more representative of the person I am. (Though the thought of surgery certainly is frightening to me, but that’s a topic for a different post.)

After exploring what surgeries were available and how they could help me, I reached out to a surgeon, who is apparently excellent at this kind of work, and I had a good consultation. The next day his office sent me an estimated cost of the surgery. That cost was $28,000.

As I’ve mentioned, I have been saving for years to try to get the money together for this, but this price was FAR more than I expected it to be, and it sent me spiraling into a wild exploration of my options and what I could do to make this happen as soon as possible.

And, let me be clear when I say this, I need this to happen as soon as possible. This is because the way I’m living my life now has simply become agonizing. Every day I’m forced to endure living like this, and all the badness that comes along with not being your true self to pretty much anyone, is excruciating. To think of doing it for even another year is unbearable. To think of suffering it longer than that… well, that’s when I start thinking about giving up on everything and just yanking the power cord out on my life.

Yes, it is THAT painful, and destructive, and maddening. This is why trans people are so disproportionally self-harming. This is why over FORTY PERCENT of trans people attempt to kill themselves. Whatever you think about this situation, please keep in mind that the feelings associated with it can be THAT horrendous.

On top of this, I’m overwhelmed by bitterness that I need to spend THAT amount of money in an attempt to physically get myself to the point where I feel I somewhat coincide with who I am mentally, which is something that 99.9% of the population doesn’t need to even think about. (Though I do realize that people who aren’t trans experience body issues, and image issues, and all of that awful stuff. I’m coming at this purely from the whole contending-with-being-the-wrong-gender standpoint here.)

Despite all of this, I have recently been exploring options that basically boil down to taking a loan or using some crazy combination of credit cards just so I can get through THIS part of it. And I will say that while I make a decent salary, I would barely make enough to cover the not-at-all-extravagant expenses I generate now if you throw another huge monthly payment on top of it.

Still, if this was just for a few years, I could tighten my belt for this time and I’m sure I could navigate my way through it. The additional issue, however, is that this is just the first surgery for me, and the other surgery… the bottom surgery… is something that I also need to have as soon as I possibly can, because every day I feel wrong is another day that erodes at my will to go on. This surgery can cost up to $20,000, and I would then have to save for that, which I wouldn’t be able to do if I took a loan or credit card payment for this first round of surgery, because I would have exactly zero extra money to put away with the massive monthly payment the first round of surgery would rain down on me.

All of this, combined with a bunch of other factors in my life right now, are a swirling mass of stress and pain that surrounds me. And that stress and pain was insanely exacerbated when I finally got the strength and resolve to try to address this, and then just hit massive roadblocks that I don’t know how to navigate around.

The past few weeks have been a tornado of awfulness, and it’s certainly started to affect this nice, respectful person that was referred to at the beginning of this post. Because this pain is transforming me into a sullen, bitter, spiteful, hurtful, terrible person.

I’m an ardent believer that people have a good nature, and that when you see people acting in awful ways, it’s due to a pain they’re experiencing… either due to the fact that the pain makes them focus on themselves so much that they can’t see past it to see how they affect others, that this pain fosters anger in people and then they take that anger out on those that surround them, or the pain makes them so bitter that they just stop caring about anything and anyone.

This is the road I can feel myself getting pulled down. This once always-good person is now finding that I’m careening towards being someone who is so engulfed with bad that I am now taking it out on the people around me. I am not at all pleasant to be around. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t steer out of destructive behaviors, and I truly fear where all of this is leading me. I don’t know how to address it and I don’t know how to make it right.

I’m am trying, though… at least for now. Though, because of everything I described above, I had an EPIC meltdown over the past weekend that literally left me gasping for air. For someone who has undergone their share of stress and panic attacks, this is the worst that I have ever felt, and I am not exaggerating when I say that for a while I was keeled over in tear-ridden agony, uncontrollably shaking, nauseous, and hyperventilating, and then spent 24 hours in and out of overpowering crying fits and ugly tears, like to the point that I was amazed that someone could cry that much. And to top all of this off, also mixed into that 24-hour period was an insanely nasty fight between me and someone who I considered to be my best friend.

So, you know, life has been a cavalcade of fun for me lately.

All that said, I feel that 24-hour span was my rock bottom, and when you hit rock bottom, oftentimes you get a bounce, and with that bounce comes a much-needed catharsis that can clear your head and give you the resolve to move on with a little less burden, because you cleansed so much of that bad emotion from you through tears, and painful howling, and having most of your brain functions shut down just so you can process everything that’s screaming at you through all of these horrific feelings.

And so I try to find a way to muster on through this. I try to find a way to resolve these issues… but, that said, I feel like I’m doing so as a lesser version of myself, and as someone who has a festering overload of hurt and bitterness that forces me to not be nearly as good as I want to be to the people I come into contact with and to the people I’m closest to.

So, you may now be wondering, “Okay, emo kid, do you feel good that you dumped this mountain of shit on us?”

Well, no, of course I don’t, though one of the reasons I decided to write and post this was to try to find some sort of clarity and strength through writing about it and getting these thoughts out of my head and on “paper”. I also put this together to show just how much of a picnic this whole trans experience can be (since, you know, that is what this blog is about)… and yet all I continue to hear from certain people is that we’re dangerous because OH MY GOD THE CHILDRENZ IN THE RESTROOOMZ!!!111! (Again, a topic for another post.)

Lastly here, I wrote this as an attempt to tell people that one person’s pain is all of our pain. When someone is hurting, if affects them and their behavior, and will affect those that surround them. If you could make someone’s pain less, everyone’s interactions with them become better, as they become a better version of themselves. So I implore people to reach out and help others with their pain as much as they can, because in doing so you are truly improving someone’s life, and in turn, making this world a better place. One day soon I hope I can again be the kind of person that my friend from work described above, because right now, I feel as far from that person as I can possibly get.

All of this said, I’m actually going to leave you on a positive note.

In the time since this magnificent meltdown, I did indeed get that hitting-rock-bottom bounce that I mentioned above. Since then, I called about getting back into therapy, I reached out to someone about a trans support group (that I plan on attending next week), and, oh look, I’m actually writing again, which is something that has provided great solace to me in the past, though something I’ve steered away from over the last few years because I work as a writer, and with that being the case, sometimes the last thing I want to do when I get home after a long day is write for myself. I’m currently re-realizing just how helpful this can be, though, and I already have more writing ideas that I’m working on, which is good.

On top of all this, I have gotten some amazing support, care, and love from friends who realize the severity of what I’m currently going through, and I am insanely grateful for this and for them. Again, nothing but good.

While I am still not entirely well right now and still a lesser version of myself because of what I’m contending with, what I’m trying to get through, and the pain that this is causing me, through all of that I wish much love and nothing but the best to you all.

Branding and Marketing

Most people hear the word “transsexual” and images flash through their minds. Unfortunately, many of these images are of the Not Good variety, and I also think that an egregious amount of Jerry Springer may be smattered all over said images. As I said… Not Good.

Now I have nothing against Jerry Springer and his ilk per se, but I can’t help, being who I am, to be slightly put off by such shows. I have an old memory from in and around high school days of watching some afternoon talk show, like Richard Bey or someone WAY over the top like that, who happened to have some transwoman on the show that day. Though I didn't often watch programs like these, I made it a point to watch that particular show because it dealt with a topic near and dear to me (though at the time, I didn’t quite know how near and dear it really was).

As shocking as this may be, the show wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Let’s just say that there was not an enlightened discussion of transsexualism featuring a panel of well-educated people discussing the validity of these feelings, the lifestyle, and the problems and concerns transsexuals had in coping with their issues and living in the world. Though I honestly can't say that I was looking for that out of Richard Bey's show, but anyway...

What WAS on the show was this transwoman telling her current lover that she “used to be a man”… on national TV (I believe it was national anyway, or syndicated nationally, or whatev). The information that she shared, as one might expect, did not go over so well. After the lover’s shock wore off, they didn’t sit down and discuss this news, what it meant to their relationship, or even just what it meant at all. What did happen, was that they strapped this transwoman to a giant wheel – picture something like the “Wheel of Fortune” wheel – and then, of course, they spun her. Seriously. They spun her on a wheel. Oh, but wait… it gets better. While spinning, she then started to get pelted with what I remember to be oatmeal (though it may have been pudding now that I think about it). Yes, a trenchant and insightful discussion of the topic at hand indeed!

Unfortunately for me and other transsexuals, when some people hear the word “transsexual” they get a wonderful image like the one I just described above. Someone gets ambushed on a talk show, only to find out that the woman they’ve been sleeping with has had a sex change. We then become seen as clandestine shysters, who are out only to prey on unsuspecting men (and women, as the case may be). This, as I know firsthand, is a wildly accurate portrayal of a transsexual. I mean, if you could see us all right now, that’s all we are thinking about as we devilishly tap the tips of our fingers together and plot… you know, because we do an awful amount of plotting to do stuff like this. And just so you're forewarned, we also eat babies and choke newborn kittens. UGH! Please.

This notion of fiendish sex-plotting is wrong on so many levels, and to fully address it I would need at least another post or two. However, I will just pause to say that many people going through transitioning (people like myself for instance) have actually become asexual, as in we don’t look to have sex in any way. For me, personally speaking, I can say that I don’t really seek anything romantic with anyone, because if I did seek out any sort of romantic encounter, it would eventually come around to having sex of some sort, and to be honest, I really don’t like what’s going on with the lower half of my body right now. So, the thought of someone touching me in such a manner is actually sort of very ew to me for the time being.

Suffice it to say, going through this is not about sex (or who one is attracted to) in any way. This is by no means sexually gratifying, and in actuality, it’s essentially the complete opposite of that, as sex is something that hasn’t been on my radar in quite some time, and my sex drive has drastically waned from the blocking of testosterone and introduction of estrogen into my system. Yes, testosterone does indeed propel the sex drive. I can attest to that, as mine is about nil.

So, hopefully all of this allays some of the fear that’s out there surrounding people like myself. We’re not out to trick or dupe anyone into anything. There may be those among us who may look to dupe or trick, just as there is with people in general; but as a whole, we’re just like any other group of people… we just happen to get a lot of bad press. The bad press comes from the fact that we’re different, not a lot of people know a transsexual, and people who are not transsexuals have a tough time understanding what a transsexual is going through, because it is such a foreign notion to the wider population. Additionally, we are a very small minority, and as such, we don’t often have the big guns to help protect us and our image in the world.

To add to the joy and the fun, if people don’t think of the "talk show tranny", they move on to the wonderful (and pornography-crafted) moniker of “she-male”, or the ever so lovely “chick with a dick”. This whole view, again, is centered all around sex, but this time it’s an actual industry – though one that more often than not is thought of as “sick” and “perverse”. Transsexual porn is something that not a lot of people freely admit to being into, though there are enough people out there who like it that there's a market for it. Oh, and transsexual prostitutes… yeah, they will find work. People do frequent them, otherwise they wouldn’t be around. You don't often hear people speak of that either.

Personally (and this may be a bit biased), while I don’t particularly like the over-sexed idea of the transsexual (as pretty much ALL of the transsexuals I have ever met are not this way at ALL), I don’t see what the problem is when it comes to what gets someone off. If someone finds the idea of someone who looks like a girl yet still has a penis attractive, should anyone even care? People do, however, because it falls into this afraid-to-be-gay area that many people still seem to vehemently rail against. Even the whole “you’ve been sleeping with someone who used to be a guy” motif falls into this "I am SO not gay, and I'll punch you if you say I am" type thing. People become SO upset by it, that they flip out, lash the person to a big, spinning wheel, and then proceed to pelt them with mushy oatmeal… or they sleep with the person, find out what they have gone through, and they actually kill the person because they are THAT upset about the idea... but, you know, six of one, a half dozen of the other.

For all of these reasons and perceptions, I would like to declare a moratorium on the word “transsexual”. It just has way too many negative connotations associated with it. Additionally, being someone who has worked in marketing for a significant portion of my adult life, I would like to “re-brand” the entire idea. I would like to present it for what it is – people just like everyone else, who are trying their best to deal with feelings and a situation they did nothing to create, which happens to be causing them an over-abundance of pain and strife, much of which is caused by societal intolerance, misconception, and misrepresentation.

If you look at the definition that I just laid down, you can gather a lot from it. For instance, most transpeople are resilient folks. They keep taking the punches that life hurls at them, and many of them keep getting up and moving on, no matter how many times they've been knocked down. I find that to be pretty damn admirable in and of itself… but wait, there’s more!

Transpeople can be supremely accommodating and flexible… naturally. We generally have a good sense of humor, because if you can’t laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation (and yourself) you won’t last long with all of these feelings rampaging throughout your gray matter.

What’s more, transpeople have a way of observing life and the world through a set of eyes that has kind of lived on both sides of the male/female divide. We offer a very unique perspective on things, because we have seen the world in a very unique way. By way of survival, we have to been keen observers and harness a magnificent amount of understanding. Additionally, we are the bridge between male and female. We understand what women are dealing with more than any man ever will; and conversely, we understand what men are dealing with more than any woman ever will. We exist in this region of human existence that dwells between the points of Male and Female*, and to that end, we have something highly unique to offer the world.

The problem is: with things in their current state, we will never be seen as I’m describing above, and I think that the word “transsexual” is a part of the problem. It carries way too much baggage.

So… I suggest we totally and completely become known simply as trans. Trans is sleek. Trans is catchy. Trans is very now. Okay, now I’m getting a bit too wrapped up in marketing-speak.

For anyone who doesn't know, trans is a prefix that means “across or through”. So, transsexuality is "across sexuality", i.e. something that is not defined by the current description of the “male or female” idea of sexuality. It goes across and/or breaks clean through that barrier. It is the bridge over the gulf.

Now some may find it best to not play a rousing game of Curious George and the Mysterious, Unattended Apiary when it comes to crossing these barriers and exploring these new avenues; but I say why not? Why not explore what’s out there? Why not see that there are many things that go on in this existence that, while strange, are also fascinating in their uniqueness? Personally I’d rather embrace this kind of stuff, and I’d like to be as trans as possible when it comes to most things. I would like to be able to see both sides of any situation. I’d like to be able to understand things from many angles; and I’d like to experience all there is, and not confine myself by listening to erroneous societal demonizations, as I’d like to make the call for myself after exploring the options that life presents to me.

So, essentially, what I’m saying here is: get to know someone who’s trans. Appreciate them for who they are and for the uniqueness that they can offer to you and your world. Welcome their differences, but don’t forget to embrace your similarities. Transpeople ARE just like you, only they happen to be trans. Which, as I said, is sleek, catchy, and very now. :)

I hope all is well in your world.
Peace and all the best to you.


* As a side note, I don't see sexuality in any way as a binary of "male" and "female", as this notion promotes the stereotypical definitions of men and women, and no one embodies all of the stereotypes about their particular gender. Some men cry at movies, and some women LOVE sports - just to name two incredibly obvious ones. In my view, the whole male/female dynamic lies on more of a line with what's seen as stereotypically male at one end, and what's seen as stereotypically female at the other. Some people may stray close to the ends of this line, but most people fall somewhere in the middle, as they are people, and people are not stereotypes. There is nothing wrong or right about falling at any point on this line, you just kind of wind up where you should be, because that's who you are as a person. The important thing here is to embrace everyone along this line, no matter where they happen to be, because, as I said, in the end we're all just people.