Plans, and Signs, and Trust, and Faith

"Any change, even a change for the better, 

is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

– Arnold Bennett

When I was 27 and in the early stages of getting my head wrapped around this whole troubling gender thing, I decided to quit my job, uproot my life, and move from Philadelphia to Palo Alto, California. It seemed to me that this could be a good way to take a step back from everything and see just who it is that I really am, and to find just exactly what I wanted out of life.
 
Now, at the time, I'd gone on a few family road trips—the longest being a couple treks to Florida—but I'd never actually driven anywhere close to that far. Even on the trips to Florida, I was still a kid, so I didn't do a lick of the driving. The furthest I had actually driven by myself at that point in my life was the six hours it took to get from Philly to Pittsburgh, so tackling the entire country solo, while exciting, seemed just a bit daunting.
 
On the night that I set out, I had maps and all the rest pointing me in one direction. "Just get on that road and drive," I told myself. "If you keep going along that road, you'll eventually get to where you need to be." And it really was that simple. I reached Interstate 70, got on, and just drove. I'm talking good 10-hour days of driving (at least). The scenery changed as I drove, sometimes by immeasurably small increments, sometimes magnificently and breathtakingly quick. The world looked more and more unfamiliar, and for as well as I knew the land and country that surrounded me, I could have quite literally been driving in circles and been none the wiser.

Maps laid the framework for my plan to traverse the country, but the only real guidance I had along the way... the only thing telling me that I was actually going in the right direction and not getting hopelessly lost... were the small signs that intermittently peeked out at me from the side of the road that simply read 70 WEST. As long as the signs told me I was going in the right direction, what choice did I have other than to believe it? 

And so I went on, following the signs, turning where appropriate, and four days later I arrived at my destination.


Now the trip I described above is only a short one compared to the huge travel arcs that occur in our lives; and I'm not talking physical distance here. I'm talking about the trips as a person you take throughout your life. Whatever it is that you want to do, be it losing weight, quitting smoking, saving money, starting a business, or, you know, changing your sex, it truly is going to be a long, tough journey (as anything worthwhile usually is). 

On these quests we often have to step outside of our comfort zones and change our lives and even the way we live. These changes can vary from mild annoyance to excruciatingly rough. And when it gets rough, there is nothing more detrimental than to start thinking that you're on the wrong road, and that you're putting yourself through pain and discomfort for nothing.

It's in times such as these, when you feel that you're going in circles and that you're not making any progress, that you need to remember your plan, your basic guideline of what you want to do. Then you need to start looking for the small little signs that are telling you that you're heading in the right direction. They're not as easy to spot as signs you see on the highways, nor are they as frequent, but they are there. We must know to look for them, and actively do so. 

And when we do see them, they may not be obvious, they may be subtle, and they may not be representative of the progression we were hoping to see. It is then that we have to trust ourselves enough to know that what we are seeing is progress, and that this progress is the result of the plan we have made, the work we have done, and the change we have initiated.

When you see the small signs telling you that you're going in the right direction, even though you may feel lost and tried and cranky from the trip, trust yourself enough to know that you're reading the signs correctly and that you ARE headed in the right direction. 

Additionally, you have to have faith in the process. If it has taken you to the point where you see real signs of progress, and you know that you'll get to where you need to be if you just keep plugging away and going in the same direction, trust that the road you're on will take you there. Trust in it to the point that you know it. What choice do you have other than to believe the signs that life is showing you?


I bring all of this up because a couple months ago I embarked on an overhaul of my life. I'm suddenly doing a lot of things I thought I'd never really do, and a lot of these things are causing me discomfort, pain, and even a nice bit of sadness. That being said, during this time I've not had a single cigarette, lost close to ten pounds, and have been able to put some cash into my savings account for what seems to be the first time in years. 

So as much as this overhaul is regally sucking, these giant signs are telling me that I AM heading in the right direction. If I keep going along this road I will get to where I need to be. I don't just believe it. I know it.

Here's to hoping that the road you're on in life is easy and well marked.
 
All the best.